In the rush of schedules, house chores, careers, and Netflix, relationships can get really stagnant. And that’s super normal. We often equate boredom in a relationship to something terrible, but in reality, it’s a natural part of partnership growth.
“Over time, we get more comfortable in a relationship,” Marisa T. Cohen, an associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College and author of “From First Kiss to Forever” told Washington Post.
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“We get set in our ways, and with that comes a wonderful sense of security and trust in our partners.”
But the monotony can start to weigh on folks who see themselves as more adventurous. The routine “may be unnerving to some people, especially those who want or expect that exciting and passionate feeling they experienced at the beginning of the relationship,” Cohen explained.
And let’s be honest, the rush of newness can be addicting–especially when we haven’t felt it in awhile due to being in a long term relationship. The accessibility we now have with dating apps and platforms also makes jumping ship easier than ever before.
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“With the rise in swipe-based sites and the ‘gamification’ of dating, part of the appeal for people may be the thrill of the chase, or meeting new people on a regular basis,” Cohen describes.
“You can have a fear of missing out on something ‘better,’ making the wrong decision, or being stuck or trapped in a relationship that isn’t right,” Rebekah Montgomery, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Washington told Washington Post.
But all of these feeling and anxiety are real and expected. But the beauty is, if you’ve reached boredom and optimal comfort with your partner, you probably have really invested and built the core foundation of any connection: love and commitment. You may be lacking a little passion, but that aspect is easier to awaken. Humans are endlessly deep and you have to work to create opportunities to get to know your partner on a deeper level.
“When you transition to relationship mode, you are essentially focusing your time and energy on one partner, creating a deep, intimate space with them,” Cohen said of this relationship space.
“Being with someone who is soft, kind and supportive is pretty stable; it’s not the roller-coaster ride, or anxiety and butterflies of wondering what’s going to happen next. It might, at first, even feel a little boring.”
But you can offset the boredom with distance, travel, pursuing separate hobbies and bringing it back home–all of these moments will help turn up the heat. Don’t be bored. Get creative in loving your mate in different ways.
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