When we think of the secret glue that bonds together two people in lifetime partnership, we often think about personality and lifestyle as the starting blocks of any good relationship. But shared values is equally as important.
Fran Greene, relationship coach and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting and Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, told Elite Daily, “Sharing values is crucial for a relationship to thrive and grow.”
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Shared values go beyond personality because let’s be real–our personalities can shape shift depending on the day. Values are how we see and approach the world, and that consistent thread has to vibe with your significant other if you want to make it work.
“Shared values are the ‘superglue’ of all relationships,” Greene told Elite Daily. “Think of shared values as the foundation of your home. The foundation is crucial for your house (relationship) to grow and get better with time,” she described. “Shared values keep you together during the difficult times and it will bring you joy during the high points of your relationship. Although values can be tweaked, they cannot be changed. They define who you are. Couples must share similar values, otherwise they will live in perpetual disappointment and resentment.”
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Here are a couple of shared values that are key for a forever kinda love:
“The happiest couples trust their partners totally and completely,” Greene told ED.
“They do not second guess their actions, motives or plans for the future. Couples who trust each other have more fulfilling relationships because they can do things independently and feel safe and secure when their partner is engaging in an activity that they are not a part of.”
This may seem like a no-brainer, but many people have different ways of viewing marriage and commitment. Make sure you are aligned when it comes to expectations of a wife/husband, and how you all want to interact with people outside of your relationship. There are no rules–just makes sure whatever you both want is clear, whether it’s polygamy or monogamy.
How You Fight
How you resolve conflict may be more important than how many fights you get into. Disagreements are inevitable, but if your partner shuts down, gives you the silent treatment, or diminishes you when you don’t agree, that’s not the best formula for a healthy connection.
Children? Buying a home? Careers? Those are important parts of the human experience that you and your mate should agree on.
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